Making Friends

This was really hard at first. My first few weeks were unbearably lonely because no one could understand my accent, I could barely understand theirs, and communication was just so difficult and exhausting. I could barely greet someone without being misunderstood, so forget about trying to vent more complicated concerns, questions, or frustrations. It’s amazing how lonely you can get when there is literally no one in the country who can make you actually feel understood about even little things.

Thankfully, though, humans have the amazing ability to learn and adapt, and as long as I give people enough time they can eventually learn my accent, and I’ve started to have a lot better conversations with people. A challenge, though, was still trying to figure out how to go from just knowing someone to actually being their friend, all within cultural norms. This was especially problematic in the fact that, for some reason (and it was the same in Ghana), it’s easier to meet guys than girls, but it’s not very socially acceptable for a guy and girl to hang out without a group. I can’t make friends without a group, but I can’t have a group unless I make friends, so I was stuck.

I also struggled with trying to understand people’s intentions in trying to get to know me. Since white people are automatically assumed to be made of money, I sometimes would wonder if someone was just trying to get close to me for the money they assumed I had. For example, just as I was getting to know someone I really trusted, they asked me for a large sum of money. It made me question if that was all they saw me for. Or some people might just want the connection so that I can help them get to America. Or they just want to learn the accent that I happen to have, not that they actually want to hear what I have to say. This all sounds so mistrusting, and I hate being that way, but it’s extra hard when people around me are always telling me horror stories of white people getting taken advantage of or whatnot.

On the flip side, and this is more of a personal issue for me, is that I felt like some people were only reaching out to me to be kind because I was new, and that I was becoming a burden to them. Because there was so much I couldn’t do for myself (like buy something or even get myself home after dark), I knew it took a lot of work to be around me (not to mention frustration with accent goes both ways and is exhausting). And a lot of people I was getting introduced to were older than me, so there was a feeling of being like their little sister they have to look after. The age difference also made it a bit harder to relate sometimes. I didn’t want to take advantage of their kindness, and with all the cultural differences it’s so hard to tell if someone is actually enjoying spending time with me or if it is just their African hospitality.

However, through Urban Nite, I met two guys from the Congo (Akili and Ishara), who I felt like I could relate to better because they are also foreigners here, even though they are still learning English. Since they are roommates and often almost like a package deal, it sorta solved the problem of not having a group, and I’m more free to hang out with them. The other day the three of us went for a walk for 3 hours to explore some parts of Kabale that I hadn’t been to yet, and it was a lot of fun! I helped them with their English, they helped me with my French, they showed me a new market I didn’t know existed, and a good time was had by all. Now that I have “my people”, I’m not as lonely and it gives me more freedom to do things now that I have people to do them with.

I had my birthday recently, and the friends I’ve made here made it really special. Peter had asked what special food I wanted on my birthday, and I told him “Anything with cheese” because cheese is really rare here. So on my birthday he and the other Peter made me grilled cheese! It was amazing. I had also said how the only thing that has to happen on my birthday is that I needed to drink a Stoney (a ginger soda that my brother Kyle drank on his 21st birthday that was also spent in Uganda), and both Peter and Pastor Dickson got me Stoneys! And at practice for Urban Nite, everyone sang happy birthday for me and had me cracking up the whole time! But not before pouring a little water on my head, as is tradition.

I’m starting to really love the people in my life here, but a dynamic that makes things hard for my sentimental self is knowing that I’m leaving in two months. I’m putting in all of this effort to get to know people, and just when I’m building good friendships I’m going to leave. Possibly forever. Thank goodness for technology so we can still keep in touch, but knowing I may never see them again is a hard pill to swallow.

I can’t seem to load videos here, but here are links so to the videos of people singing Happy Birthday and some shenanigans on our exploration walk trying to get some footage of some crested cranes